


Happy Fun-Time Friends Camp

by SonOfAMuggle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:06:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonOfAMuggle/pseuds/SonOfAMuggle
Summary: submitted for the Fanatical Fics writing competition and received an honorable mention.Genderfluid Tonks finds themself in a death eater training camp in America. Can they find a way to escape, meet the Marauders' and develop a hilarious revenge? (yes)
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Kudos: 2





	Happy Fun-Time Friends Camp

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note: This fic pairs well with alcohol. Lots of alcohol, as much as you can drink while still discerning letters. Preferably under a brilliantly starry sky with June bugs flying and crickets chirping and mosquito biting you in places you can't scratch without it looking inappropriate.  
> It should be mentioned that all the campers, Marauders and Prewetts are all around the same age except for Snape who is a camp counselor. Also for some reason Sirius and Tonks don't know each other. Just don't think about it too hard after all that alcohol you drank and have fun time at summer camp!

Tonks stood in line with the other campers listening to their counselor blabber on about all the rules that will ensure everyone has "fun" this summer. He goose steppes up and down the line. How could anyone be that pale in July, it was creepy.  
"Everyone will report here at 6 o' clock every morning in their sunshine uniform. You will then receive you fun-time mandatory schedule for the day. Anyone late will be put in the time out chamber. We have a lot of exciting activity to cover and your tardiness will hinder everyone's good time." He gave a smile the didn't reach his eyes and flattened his nose into slits.   
"Our number one priority is safety. You should stay inside the fence at all times we don't want anyone to get aw. . . attacked by Bears." He stopped in front of them. Tonks stood defiantly glaring with bubble gum pink hair and violet eyes. I can't believe my aunt thought this was a good idea.

"At the end of camp those who has mastered the activities will be invited to The Super Awesome Camp Club. While this club is exclusive and reserved for only the most enthusiastic campers you should feel no need to be competitive or sabotage your fellow campers. We must all unify if I am to reach my goal of . . . A happy summer." Well that's just obvious bull shit.  
"And finally we will be assigning you your wacky camp nick names. Welcome to Happy Fun-Time Friends Camp you can call me Lord Voldamort. You are dismissed to your cabins."

Tonks entered the wooden cabin she was to share with three girls. "Em did that seem off to anyone else?"

"What do you mean Black Chameleon?" Said Daphne no . . erh . . Leafy-Emerald.

"Please, call me Tonks."

"But the counselor said we had to go by the nick names." Said Floral Fork-Tongue.

"Call. Me. Tonks."

"I know what you mean though. Listening to that American accent, it's hard to understand with all the hissing." Said Angry-Gambler.

"That's not what an American accent sounds like." Replied Tonks "What about the ten foot high barb wire fence doesn't that seem a bit dodgy?"

"Well like they have grizzly bears and werewolfs and alligators here."

"They don't have alligators in Connecticut!"

"Relax Black Chameleon, we're going to learning dueling and dagger throwing, offensive potions and hand to hand combat you'll be to busy to worry about grizzly bear." said Angry-Gambler. Tonks face palmed. They had to keep trying.

"I head we'll be shrinking head in Arts and crafts!" said Leafy-Emerald

"And decorating wrist straps for our wands!" squealed Floral Fork-Tongue.

“I want one of those bedazzled skull masks!” chirped Leafy-Emerald.

"There's no grizzly bears here and doesn't that list seem a little dark to you?"

"Lights out camper!" A deceptively cheery voice called out.

There was a mumbled of "nox" as they slipped into their bunks.

Ah bollocks! Tonks woke up a boy. Puberty sucked. At sixteen they thought they were over this. Losing control of your form was common for teenage metamorphmagi. But, they hadn't lost control for two years. It was probably stress. Sometime it felt it right to be a boy. But having a personal pop up tent in a cabin full of girls was not one of them. And who wouldn't be stressed stuck in this smiley sunshine brainwash camp. Tonks didn't know what was scarier, the oppression happy counselors or that their peers didn't know what was going on. They grabbed their toiletries and headed for the bath house.

The morning had consisted of a two mile run around the fence perimeter and three hours in a exercise block doing marching and calisthenics in unison. Now, it was dueling practice. Their instructor Batty-Bangs, who's hawk like nose was slather in sunscreen, was teaching them a slicing hex. 

"Mediocre at best, Silence-Crustacean. To get a full grasp of the spell you must cast it at someone. Bear-Rope, cast the spell at your dueling partner."

"Sectumsempra" he cackled, causing a large gash to appear in the other boys forearm.

"Better. Arrogant-Dragon get that bleeding under control. You must be faster with your shield charm." Batty-Bangs sneered. "Black Chameleon, your next!"

"No"

"Black Chameleon you will cast the spell."

"NO! I refuse to cast that on another camper! Can't you all see what their doing here! Look behind the smiley rainbow fun masks!" Tonks' hair was turning a fiery red. "This dark arts camp is trying to brain wash us! Well, I for one refuse to drink the cool-aid! I demand to be sent hom-" Tonks didn't seem the stunning spell that hit.

They awoke in a narrow cell with a ceiling stretching into oblivion. It smelled of warn leather and sweaty socks. Shit. I have to get out of here. There was no way they were staying in this camp. Hours upon hours passed. They thought and planed multiple escape avenues, back up scenarios and alternative options. Searched through their memory of the outer fence looking for week points. Did they have wards? Could they climb out? Disapparate? A pain was forming in their stomach. They hadn't eaten since breakfast. It had to be night by now. In the pitch darkness their was no measure of time. Curling up into a ball Tonks fell into a restless slumber.

Counselor Birdbirch unlocked the Time Out Trunk and peered down at the uncooperative camper. "I hope you have learned your lesson, Black Chameleon." 

Trying to keep the sarcasm out of their voice, Tonks replied "yes sir"

"You will attend morning block with the other campers" he said levitating them out of the prison trunk. His Bermuda shorts and Hawaii shirt couldn't disguise his menacing scowl.

Tonks did their best to look small and defeated, collapsing on the floor as the spell was lifted. "Pathetic, take your wand and get going" Grasping the wand Tonks whispered "Petrificus totalus" pushing the counselor's stiff body into the trunk. It hit the bottom with a reverberating gong. Tonks morphed into the body of Birdbirch, transfiguring their uniform to match his clothes. The first part of the plan was complete.

Tonks' heart was pounding as they walked out on the camp lawn covered in morning dew. The gates were keep closed during the day guarded by one junior counselor. I can do this. I can do this. They just had to channel Birdbirch's authority. Putting a sneer on their face Birdbirch strode importantly through the barrier. Well, that was easy. For a dark arts brain wash camp you think they would have better security. When the gates were out of sight, Tonks ran. First, on the the trail to cover distance fast, then striking out into the under brush. 

Parched Tonks cast "Aquamenti" in their hand. Repeating it till they had drunk their fill. All directions looked the same but anywhere that wasn't camp fun-shine would do. Finding a mild stream Tonks followed it hoping to cover up any foot prints. Heavy boots splashed in clear water as minnows chased down stream. A chorus of birds sang in the canopy and a light breeze danced thru the leaves. The pleasant woods was calling that Tonks was alone and safe in their solitude.

Rounding a twist, Tonks heard soft humming. Moving cautiously forward they immediately triped over a slick rock landing hard with a loud splash. The fall knocked Tonks back into their usual body and Peering up from the mossy ground Tonks can see the hummer. He's standing ankle deep in the stream, trousers rolled up to his knees, bent over the bushy bank, head turned from the sound and surprise on his face; which would be comical if Tonks wasn't on the run.

“Sorry to drop in on you!” Tonks Said cheerfully like they hadn't just changed bodies in front of a potential muggle. The boy startled straighten his back shoving a wand and a fist full of herbs into his grass stained pockets. 

“Are you alright?” he said wading thru the water to assist.

“Yes, Yes just a bit clumsy” he pulled Tonks up and began shaking their hand in an oddly fluid motion.

"My name is Remus, but my friends call me Moony" said Moony

"Not more nick names." Sighed Black Chameleon.

'Remus is fine" said Remus with a laugh "Are you alright? You look a bit rough, even for the woods.”

“I haven't eaten in a while" Tonks said trying to cover for being an escaped camper lost in the wood on the wrong side of the Atlantic.

“Would you like some trail mix? It's all I got with me?" Remus offer a half eaten bag of nuts, seeds and raisins.

"Thanks, hey did you pick out all the chocolate?" 

“No,” he said surprised "why do you think it had chocolates?"

“Because you missed two" Tonks explained holding out the candies before popping the last of the chocolates in their mouth.

"I didn't pick them out.” he stated blushing “I strategically grabbed sections with a high chocolate ratio."

"Right, Your only fooling yourself" Tonks said with a grin. It felt good to have a normal conversation. 

The awkward tension being broken Remus asked "So why are you in the middle of a forest without food or supplies, wearing a tacky flower shirt?"

"I just escaped from a dark arts trainin' camp." She flicking her wand to reverse the transfiguration on her clothes, revealing the camp uniform, a one piece gray track suit with a large sunny smiley face on the chest.

"Dark Arts Camp? Thank Merlin your alright" Remus said with genuine concern "let's get you back to base camp. We can get you some food and a chance to clean up."

They hiked about a mile back to his camp making small talk about the forest and various plants and animals along the way. In the back of their mind Tonks wondered if this could be a trap. Should they be following him? There wasn't much choice if they didn't want to kip under a tree tonight. He seemed sincere and trust worthy, But it would be foolish to let their guard completely down. They keep their wand out just in case.

"We're here" Remus declared casually running a a hand through his sandy hair.

" I don't see-"

"It's warded. Just take my hand." Standing so close he smells of sage and dandelion root. They walk through thick air and the landscape changed. A grassy entrance yard appeared surrounded by a collection wooden cabins and scatter pine trees. In the center was a large carving in cedar.

"What's with the flaming bird?"

"Oh, it's the name of the camp" Remus replied leading Tonks further into camp. In the shade of a pine tree three boys had a cauldron brewing on an open fire.

"About time Moony did you get lost finding the --"

"No but I found someone lost." gesturing toward Tonks.

"Hello, I'm Sirius"

"No flirting." Remus reprimanded. 

"I'm just introducing myself"

"For you that's flirting"

"Wotcha' I'm Tonks. What ya brewin" they asked leaning over the cauldron at the swirling brew of pink, blue and purple. 

"We're making up some original potion for Operation Fuck Happy Fun Shine Love Camp.” The boy with glasses explained.

"You might want to rethink that. Their a dark arts training facility." they all stared slack jawed.

"Your joking" asked the mousy looking one, Peter.

"I'm not. I just escaped. They had me locked in a trunk all night."

"Blimey" said Sirius

"Merlin, you think we should we stop?" Peter asked

"We definitely doing it now, but we might need reinforcements and a new name." said James

"I'll get the Prewetts" said Peter

"I want in." said Tonk enthusiastically "I can give you their layout. What's the plan? How are you getting the stuff over there?"

James and Sirius just grinned "a muggle invention."

Remus gave Tonks a tour of the camp and introduced them to the counselors. After a shower, food and a quick kipper in a privet cabin. Tonks was beginning to feel like themself again. The afternoon was spent in preparation. Operation Fuck Up the Fuckers Who Locked Up Tonks would begin at dawn. Now, they were sitting around a fire watch the last of Ray's of the sun fad to stars. Swaping stories and swigs of cheep Tennessee bourbon from a flask.

"Right so there I am Myrtle wailing like a siren, Filtch searching for me, there the only one thing I could think of to shut her up!" Sirius continued his story.

"So . . . "

"So I kiss her"

"That's your solution to everything" Remus said throwing a significant look.

"Did it work?" Tonks asked

"Well it shut her up but then Filtch walks in on me snogging . . ."

"No!"

“Yes! And then, if you can believe it, he just walks right back out!"

"I don't"

"You shouldn't, Filtch gave him detention." James corrected

"Yeah but that wasn't till the next day. Doesn't count."

"It does so, you just want to brag about cupping a cold field." Said Remus. Sirius gave him an indiscernible look, somewhere between an apology and cockiness. 

"What about you, what do you get up to at Beauxbaton?" asked Fabian

"Well for starters the headmistress hates me cus' I'm 'nglish, if she caught me break'en rules she'd kick me out."

"If she caught you?" Gideon asked

"Exactly, Lucky, conspicuous disguises are something of a specialty of mine. I got this friend Louis, who's in her golden book. Top student, athlete, family on the school board. Some blokes on his team were given him shit last year for bein' gay, I morphed into him before a practice jinxed them up five ways to Sunday. She never said a word 'bout it because it was her perfect Louis. Blokes ended up in the hospital for a week." 

"Right on" said James

"When you say morph?" Asked Peter. Tonks changed her appearance to match him. 

"Blimey"

"So like what are you?" Peter asked

"I'm a metamorphmagus"

"Yeah but like are you a girl or a boy?"

"I'm genderfluid" Tonks noticing his confusion added "I'm both" with a shrug.

"Yeah, But . . " Peter we interrupted by James smacking the back of his head.

James changed the conversation to Quidditch. Tonks wonder off to find Remus who had disappeared from the circle. An dull orange glow appeared in the darkness.

"Didn't take you for a smoker."

"Ah well, someone once said it made me look hot and I was foolish enough to believe them." He offered them the open pack. Tonks tuck one lighting it with their wand.

"Sorry about Peter. He's can be a bit insensitive."

"I'm use to it" Tonks said taking a drag. Exhaling, the smoke danced in the cool breeze. The night sky shown bright in the absence of the fire. There was Hunter aiming his arrow at Gemini and chasing behind Canis Major. "So are you and Sirius together?" Tonks asked with all the subtleties of a hippogriff in a wand shop. Must be the bourbon.

"Oh no, we did, but it's over. Nothing left but bad habits." He tossed the cigarettes on the ground putting it out with his shoe.

"Was he to busy snoggin' ghosts?"

"and Thomas and Jeremy and I swear I caught him one time caressing a willow tree. We had different ideas on what a relationship meant." Remus flipped the pack in his hand contemplating lighting another. "That was over a year ago. He still pines after me. A get a bit short with for it." Tonks let the cigarette burn out without taking another drag.

"I like both" he said with a blush barely viable in the moon light. "That is, I'm bi"

Make that two hippogriff in a wand shop. They both shifted uneasily in the starlight a new kind of tension growing between them.

"Hey Moony! Moony, get over here! Fabian doesn't believe me about Dumbledore's hat in our third year!" Sirius cried from the lite fire.

They awoke before dawn. Well, Tonks woke before dawn, most the other didn't sleep. Using Tonks' information the group apparated to outside the enemy's camp. Crouching low in the shadows feather scatter the ground as everyone prepare for the ambush. everyone's wands griped tightly in there hands. Their focus steel. Their goal total mayhem. 

"Loose" James Signaled the start. 

The conspirators released the netting hold down the ammunition. They took flight, Soaring in a v formation over the barb wire fence was two dozen ducks each with a pay load of potion snugly tied in a water balloon. Additional three catapults were position around the perimeter. The battle had begun.

The Happy Sunshine Fun Smiley campers were gathered in the court yard performing their morning stretches. Silence-Crustacean broke attention to gaze up at the strange objects in the sky.

“What the-" SPLAT!

Everyone was still until more water balloons came falling from the sky. The camper broke formation as a chorus of panic voices started off-

"Oh no" SQUISH!

HONK!

"Great Merlin No!" PLOP!

SWISH!

QUACK!

"We're under attacked!"

SLOSH! HONK! QUACK

"Retaliate you fools!" Cried Lord Voldamort Purple slim and feather covered his smiley track suit.

"What is it!"

SQUELCH! HONK! SQUISH!

"Merlin damnit" Batty-Bang caught a potion filled balloon and lofted it back over the fence. 

PLOP!

"Gross!" Leafy-emerald squealed. Something had hit her head and thick purple goop was globbing up her neatly parted hair. Slugging down her forehead and dripping on her lip. She wiped her eye with the back of her hand. "What's happening to me?!" Their was a little circle forming on where knuckle. SQUERCH! Her skin was turning a grey-ish blue. WAK! WAK! WAK! She jumped out of the way as Arrogant-Dragon staggered pass cursing at a angry duck flapping its wings.  
"My father will eat you!" Arrogant-Dragon yelled he was covered in tentacles with more sprouting. A squid!? he was turning into a squid! She could see tentacles sprouting from her own skin now. The world was a chaos of feather and ink. A yellow beaked monstrosity waddled towards her, QUACK! She ran for it tripping over the tentacles forming on her legs. 

Tonks listened gleefully to horrified screams of The Sunny Happy Fun Camp. A hissing voice was calling out demands that no one seemed able to carry out.

"Remus" Tonks asked loading the catapult. "Why ducks?"

He shrugged pulling back on the rubber strings tied between two trees. "We couldn't find enough owls" 

Tonks giggle and dodged an incoming balloon. Maybe this summer would be super happy fun after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you had a Super Happy Fun time at camp! Better start nursing that hangover you're going to have. Drink a glass of water and take some aspirin. Class starts in September!
> 
> Nick Names:  
> Tom Riddle: Lord Voldamort  
> Tonks: Black Chameleon  
> Daphnie Greengrass: Leafy-Emerald  
> Pansy Parkinson: floral fork-Tongue  
> Severus Snape: Batty-bangs  
> Crab: Silence-Crustacean  
> Theodore Knott: Bear-Rope  
> Draco Malfoy: Arrogant-Dragon  
> Rookwood: Birdbirch


End file.
